Just before the first service started this morning, a young couple walked in. Two years ago in April, I officiated at their wedding. Then they moved to New York, where they have living a fast-paced and full life. This morning I greeted them and they told me that they would give me some news at the end of the service. The news: they are expecting their first child. A boy. The only problem? I have a lot of yarn for a baby blanket, but it's pink. Oh well.
At the 10:00 service, the 6th graders were recognized as they end their "Sunday School" days and look forward to confirmation next year. Four of them read poems about themselves that they had composed. It was delightful.
The cherub choir sang a song, complete with impromptu dancing by the youngest member.
The intern's sermon touched on Mother's Day. She invited people to complete the statement, "My mother told me...." on a board out in the narthex after the service.
My parents and my mother-in-law came over for Mother's Day. My brother and his children came over as well. We had salads, sandwiches and pie.
Scout was very excited for about the first five minutes after everyone arrived. Then she calmed down and became the charming, smiling dog we recognize. She loves when we have people over to visit, but the first five minutes are always difficult.
There are many small blessings in my life. They fly in and out of my heart. often I don't remember them. -- I'll see a cardinal in the trees, or watch Scout meditate in tall grass, or hear a prayer.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Mother's Day Reflections from a Non-mother
Yesterday (Thursday) at my regular physical examination I was lamenting my inability to lose weight, despite the fact that I have been foregoing potato chips and cookies, and adding significant minutes and speed to my daily walk. I'm not asking for a lot: one or two pounds, just to give me hope, would be nice.
My doctor told me that my troubles had their roots in evolution: long ago, women in my age group (that is, post-menopausal) were considered the least valuable to the group, and so got the least amount of resources alloted to them. Therefore, we learned to "conserve what we had", or so she said. That's why it's hard for me to lose weight.
Later I thought about what she said. "Women in my age group" means women past child-bearing age.
In other words, women who could no longer have children had lost their value.
I know some women who are not mothers by design. They never felt strongly about having children. (Some of them felt strongly about not having children.) But that's not who I am. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mother. In fact, at certain ages, I was positively obsessed with having a lot of children. I read Cheaper by the Dozen and Who Gets the Drumstick and thought it would be wonderful to have a large family. I wrote stories about families with lots of children.
I know, I am a step-mother, and my two stepsons are wonderful people. I think very highly of them, and I have felt privileged to be in their lives, and for what I have received and (I hope) given to them. But, I don't think it's the same. At least, that's what I was told by a student intern who is also a mother. She looked me straight in the eye one day and told me I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through because, as she said, "I'm not a real mother."
This Sunday is Mother's Day, a day about which many people (including me) have complicated feelings. There are those whose relationship with their mother is painful, those who are grieving the loss of their mother, those who are grieving a relationship they will never have, but wanted, and those who are grieving because they message they hear on mother's day is, "a woman's value is primarily in her ability to have children."
Part of me believes that, too, and that is my struggle every Mother's Day. If I can't feed and raise and discipline and praise, if I can't bring life and watch over it, if I can't comb hair and say evening prayers and worry, who am I?
My doctor told me that my troubles had their roots in evolution: long ago, women in my age group (that is, post-menopausal) were considered the least valuable to the group, and so got the least amount of resources alloted to them. Therefore, we learned to "conserve what we had", or so she said. That's why it's hard for me to lose weight.
Later I thought about what she said. "Women in my age group" means women past child-bearing age.
In other words, women who could no longer have children had lost their value.
I know some women who are not mothers by design. They never felt strongly about having children. (Some of them felt strongly about not having children.) But that's not who I am. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mother. In fact, at certain ages, I was positively obsessed with having a lot of children. I read Cheaper by the Dozen and Who Gets the Drumstick and thought it would be wonderful to have a large family. I wrote stories about families with lots of children.
I know, I am a step-mother, and my two stepsons are wonderful people. I think very highly of them, and I have felt privileged to be in their lives, and for what I have received and (I hope) given to them. But, I don't think it's the same. At least, that's what I was told by a student intern who is also a mother. She looked me straight in the eye one day and told me I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through because, as she said, "I'm not a real mother."
This Sunday is Mother's Day, a day about which many people (including me) have complicated feelings. There are those whose relationship with their mother is painful, those who are grieving the loss of their mother, those who are grieving a relationship they will never have, but wanted, and those who are grieving because they message they hear on mother's day is, "a woman's value is primarily in her ability to have children."
Part of me believes that, too, and that is my struggle every Mother's Day. If I can't feed and raise and discipline and praise, if I can't bring life and watch over it, if I can't comb hair and say evening prayers and worry, who am I?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Abiding....
It was one of those "little bit of everything" days today -- a day that we "generalist" pastors love, generally. It was filled with
In the midst of it all, I'm thinking about that strange command from John's Gospel, "abide." What does it mean to abide? It's such a simple thing to ask, but actually it is such a lot to ask of us, simply to abide, to stay, to hang in there, to not give up, to bear with one another, to keep going and going, to keep trusting God's vision and trusting God's love.
Abide. All we ask is that you stay: it's as simple as that. But not so simple, really. After all, about half of married couples don't end up "abiding" with one another.
To abide is to be faithful, to our call, to one another, to God. It's not to give up, on the simple, mundane things, on the difficult things we will never be good at (like human relationships, for example).
I had simple goals this evening: eat dinner, do the dishes, take out recycling, walk the dog. I saw the moon rise as I walked down the street, the last task of the evening. I saw in a picture window a mother holding her baby, and I waved to them.
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide
- a conversation with a parish member about our Adult Forum with the Superintendent of Schools and about education in our community in general
- a meeting of local clergy for prayer, support and visioning about what our role in our community just might be
- re-typing the worship notes for those who could not read my original handwriting....
- a physical I rescheduled from Monday. (I left angrily after waiting an hour and a half). Today everything went well, except that I had to get two shots.
- a hospital visit to an elderly woman.
- a community organizing meeting where new dreams are just beginning to be born, and I am imagining what my role in it all might be.
In the midst of it all, I'm thinking about that strange command from John's Gospel, "abide." What does it mean to abide? It's such a simple thing to ask, but actually it is such a lot to ask of us, simply to abide, to stay, to hang in there, to not give up, to bear with one another, to keep going and going, to keep trusting God's vision and trusting God's love.
Abide. All we ask is that you stay: it's as simple as that. But not so simple, really. After all, about half of married couples don't end up "abiding" with one another.
To abide is to be faithful, to our call, to one another, to God. It's not to give up, on the simple, mundane things, on the difficult things we will never be good at (like human relationships, for example).
I had simple goals this evening: eat dinner, do the dishes, take out recycling, walk the dog. I saw the moon rise as I walked down the street, the last task of the evening. I saw in a picture window a mother holding her baby, and I waved to them.
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Gratitude List
I saw this over at Mary Beth's a couple of days ago, and thought I should make one, too:
I am grateful for:
1. Hand-made things. My mother, freshly returned from the winter stay down south, gave me a hand-made lap quilt. She said, "I don't know whether you'll want this or not." She seemed to think it was a small thing, not important. But lately I've been thinking of all that goes into hand-made things, the time, the prayer, the materials, and thinking that they are often physical sermons, and reminders of the incarnation.
2. Co-conspirators seeking justice and radical grace and trust. I had lunch with two women yesterday who are just that: salad and soup never tasted better, as we envisioned what our community could look like with equal opportunity for education, health care and jobs, and with respect for one another's voices.
3. Family.
4. The smile of a good dog.
5. Forgiveness, whether expressed with a hand, a word, a kiss, or just by being there.
6. A good story.
I am grateful for:
1. Hand-made things. My mother, freshly returned from the winter stay down south, gave me a hand-made lap quilt. She said, "I don't know whether you'll want this or not." She seemed to think it was a small thing, not important. But lately I've been thinking of all that goes into hand-made things, the time, the prayer, the materials, and thinking that they are often physical sermons, and reminders of the incarnation.
2. Co-conspirators seeking justice and radical grace and trust. I had lunch with two women yesterday who are just that: salad and soup never tasted better, as we envisioned what our community could look like with equal opportunity for education, health care and jobs, and with respect for one another's voices.
3. Family.
4. The smile of a good dog.
5. Forgiveness, whether expressed with a hand, a word, a kiss, or just by being there.
6. A good story.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Book #16: Chains
I picked this book up at a small independent bookseller on our winter trip to Red Wing. I knew I didn't have time to read it then, but I just couldn't resist. I actually went into the store three or four times before I just went ahead and bought the book, right before we left town. I started reading it right away, but other projects and responsibilities interfered.I just finished it yesterday afternoon.
Chains, by Laurie Halse Anderson, is the story of a young slave girl, Isabel, who lives at the time of the Revoluationary War. Her mother has died; she has promised to care for her five-year-old sister; her owner's will stated that she be freed, but the lawyer and her owner's nephew ignore the will and go ahead and sell her anyway. Her new owners are British loyalists.
But she is drawn to the Patriot's cause, and their words about liberty. She yearns for freedom, for herself and for her sister.
This wonderful book is both a meditation on freedom and an exciting adventure story. The historical detail is fascinating; the story is compelling. Most of all, Isabel is courageous, thoughtful, intelligent. This book is heartbreaking.
Read it.
I know it's not Harry Potter, and it's not Twilight, but it does share one trait in common with those books (and I give you fair warning): there will be a sequel.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Challenge Course: Team Building
In two weeks our 9th graders will be confirmed, publicly declaring that they want to be disciples of Jesus for the rest of their lives. Even though they have studied for three years, gone to camp three times, built relationships with their peers and other adults, I'm pretty sure they don't know what they are getting into.
But that's okay. Nobody asked them when they were baptized: are you sure you want to get into this? Are you sure you want to be disciples of Jesus? Their parents just carried them up to the baptismal font and had the pastor pour water over their heads, and made that dangerous promise.
And here they are. They are two weeks from being confirmed and they have just spent the weekend at a place called Camp Friendship. It is a camp especially for developmentally disabled youth and adults, so everything is handicap accessible. When other groups (like us) use the camp, all of the money goes toward scholarships for others to attend a camp week in the summer.
But that's not why we go to Camp Friendship. We go because of something called the "Challenge Course", an afternoon of guided team-building activities. The activities are somewhat physically challenging (as evidenced by my aches and pains today), but they are more challenging because the group has to complete them together. They are not successful because of individual prowess, but because everyone made it through the challenge.
So the group has to figure out how to get everyone over the wall, how to get everyone to swing on the rope from one side of a fake "ravine" to the other (and also, by the way, how to get everyone to fit into one round hoola-hoop on the other side). Other activities are difficult to explain, but require those with more agility, balance, and speed to pay attention to those who do not have those qualities. Also, we discover that other problem-solving qualities are important, too. And patience. Patience is very important.
I was so impressed with the patience, good humor, intelligence and good will exhibited by the youth this year. We talked a little after the "challenge course", about the lesson for our lives as Christians -- about the challenge of living a Christian life, about how we can't live it alone, about the necessity and difficulty of trusting God, and one another.
And yet, they don't know what they're getting into. How can they? I'm fifty-two, and I don't know what I am getting into, still, and I am still discovering new challenges.
So, in two weeks, they will all say yes. I'm confident that they will all mean it, too, even if some of them fall away at some time. I pray that even those who fall away will discover again God's faithfulness. And I pray that there will always be others willing to share the challenge and the joy of being a disciple of Jesus with them.
But that's okay. Nobody asked them when they were baptized: are you sure you want to get into this? Are you sure you want to be disciples of Jesus? Their parents just carried them up to the baptismal font and had the pastor pour water over their heads, and made that dangerous promise.
And here they are. They are two weeks from being confirmed and they have just spent the weekend at a place called Camp Friendship. It is a camp especially for developmentally disabled youth and adults, so everything is handicap accessible. When other groups (like us) use the camp, all of the money goes toward scholarships for others to attend a camp week in the summer.
But that's not why we go to Camp Friendship. We go because of something called the "Challenge Course", an afternoon of guided team-building activities. The activities are somewhat physically challenging (as evidenced by my aches and pains today), but they are more challenging because the group has to complete them together. They are not successful because of individual prowess, but because everyone made it through the challenge.
So the group has to figure out how to get everyone over the wall, how to get everyone to swing on the rope from one side of a fake "ravine" to the other (and also, by the way, how to get everyone to fit into one round hoola-hoop on the other side). Other activities are difficult to explain, but require those with more agility, balance, and speed to pay attention to those who do not have those qualities. Also, we discover that other problem-solving qualities are important, too. And patience. Patience is very important.
I was so impressed with the patience, good humor, intelligence and good will exhibited by the youth this year. We talked a little after the "challenge course", about the lesson for our lives as Christians -- about the challenge of living a Christian life, about how we can't live it alone, about the necessity and difficulty of trusting God, and one another.
And yet, they don't know what they're getting into. How can they? I'm fifty-two, and I don't know what I am getting into, still, and I am still discovering new challenges.
So, in two weeks, they will all say yes. I'm confident that they will all mean it, too, even if some of them fall away at some time. I pray that even those who fall away will discover again God's faithfulness. And I pray that there will always be others willing to share the challenge and the joy of being a disciple of Jesus with them.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Preparing to Retreat Day
Today, I am getting ready to go on the 9th grade confirmation retreat again. We go up to a YMCA camp called "Camp Friendship" where the confirmands chose confirmation verses and work on faith statements and create banners. We also do the "challenge course" they have -- a team-building exercise that is not awfully strenuous but takes creativity. (I say it's not strenuous but two years ago I got a terrible back spasm afterwards. I whimped out last year and didn't participate. We'll see this year.)
This is what "getting ready" means:
1. I take Scout to Day Care. She doesn't go very often, but she loves to play with other dogs, and then is pretty tired for the rest of the weekend when I'm gone. It makes her easier to handle if my husband is busy.
I've noticed lately that Scout doesn't try to escape or even run around the back yard as much as she used to. Sometimes I notice her and she's just sitting out in the back yard, staring at something almost as if she is meditating. It's like she just likes the spring weather and is content to experience everything in the present moment. This morning, however, we practically ran into a duck on our front lawn. She was not calm right at that moment.
2. I put bags of things I will need together at church. The materials for the "stations of the resurrection" devotional tonight; the worship books for communion; bread and wine.
3. I pack my bags for the weekend, hoping not to forget the book light, or the travel alarm (I don't have a cell phone) or the little Bible or shampoo.
4. Sleeping bag and pillow? check.
5. I will try to find a book for myself, even though I will probably not get to it.
Now I'm on my way to the grocery store to get the pita bread and something for supper. Soon we will be on the road. Pray for our 9th graders, that they grow in faith and experience God's love for them, and God's purpose for their lives in community.
This is what "getting ready" means:
1. I take Scout to Day Care. She doesn't go very often, but she loves to play with other dogs, and then is pretty tired for the rest of the weekend when I'm gone. It makes her easier to handle if my husband is busy.
I've noticed lately that Scout doesn't try to escape or even run around the back yard as much as she used to. Sometimes I notice her and she's just sitting out in the back yard, staring at something almost as if she is meditating. It's like she just likes the spring weather and is content to experience everything in the present moment. This morning, however, we practically ran into a duck on our front lawn. She was not calm right at that moment.
2. I put bags of things I will need together at church. The materials for the "stations of the resurrection" devotional tonight; the worship books for communion; bread and wine.
3. I pack my bags for the weekend, hoping not to forget the book light, or the travel alarm (I don't have a cell phone) or the little Bible or shampoo.
4. Sleeping bag and pillow? check.
5. I will try to find a book for myself, even though I will probably not get to it.
Now I'm on my way to the grocery store to get the pita bread and something for supper. Soon we will be on the road. Pray for our 9th graders, that they grow in faith and experience God's love for them, and God's purpose for their lives in community.
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