I was sitting at my new desk on Sunday, still organizing some things (ok, many things), and feeling like the chair I was sitting in was not quite the right height. So I called the other Pastor in, to see if we could figure out how to change the height.
He sat down in the chair, and took a look at the left arm, which was frayed and actually coming off.
"I think you need a new chair," he said.
I am getting a new chair soon.
I think I had the oldest chair in the office. When I mentioned this to our treasurer, she said, "Well, you never say anything."
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that I noticed that the arm was coming off the chair. Probably, as well, it never occurred to me that I deserved anything better.
This is one of the things I have just been learning lately.
To believe that I do deserve some things.
And it's not just about desks.
Recently, I got a startling insight about self-esteem, or lack thereof: someone told me that, in a sense, low self-esteem was really a selfish position, because it focuses on "me", and whether or not I can speak up, or what I deserve.
"Instead," the person said, "Think of it another way. Other people deserve to hear your voice, need you to share your gifts, and to speak up. It's actually selfish to hold back."
I'm still thinking about that one.