Six Monologues from John's Passion: #4

"The Governor"

I don't know what I was trying to accomplish, when I sent Jesus out to the crowd.  He was still wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe the soldiers had put on him.  They meant it to make fun of him.  May I thought when the people saw him, they would feel sorry for him, think that he had bee punished enough.  He had leaned his lesson.  But that's not what happened.  Instead, they were like people who had tasted blood, and who wanted more.  "Crucify him!  Crucify him!"  they shouted.  Everything I did just made it worse.  And honestly, for one of the first times in my life, I was afraid.

I am in charge here.  My job is to keep the peace -- the Roman peace.  And I am good at it.  I'm good at it because I don't let personal feelings introduce on my judgments.  I can't afford to feel sorry for any prisoner that comes to me.  I can't afford to second-guess my decisions.  I need to act decisively, without emotion, on the basis of what is right for the Roman Empire.  I also need to act justly -- at least based on how the Roman Empire determines justice.  So I didn't feel sorry for the prisoner that day.  I don't feel sorry for anyone.  That's not the reason I wanted to let Jesus go.  I did not find a case against him.  That's what I said.  There really wasn't a case against him.

"Here is the man," I said to them, without passion.  And everyone started shouting.  I stayed calm, though, and explained to them that there was no reason for the Roman Empire to kill him.  He told me, "My kingdom is not of this world."  So he was no threat to me.  Then why did he make me feel afraid? That's what I felt when I saw him -- fear.  But he didn't fear me.  He stood right in front of me -- and I have the power to light him go or to order him crucified -- he stood right in front of me and said I wouldn't have any power over him unless Someone Else hadn't given me permission.  He didn't recognize my power.  You can't keep the peace with people like him around -- people who recognize a higher power than the Emperor.

They were right.  He had to die.  He was dangerous.  But still -- I was afraid.  I tried to release him.  I wanted him to go away.  But that's not what they wanted.  And that's not what he wanted either.  He didn't want me to release him.  What he really wanted was for me to look at him -- really look at him -- and know that he was a king -- with a power greater than my own.

I tried to get him to go away.  But he will never go away.  I don't feel sorry for him.  I'm still afraid of him.

Six Monologues from John's Passion: #3

"A Bystander"

I'm one of the people who shouted, "We want Barabbas!"  And I'm glad I did.  Oh, it's true, the religious leaders go us all worked up.  That's one of the reasons we all shouted.  Then Barabbas got all the votes.  Jesus didn't get any.  But looking back, it was already beginning to be clear that he was a loser, even then.  And I wanted to be on the winning side.  Barabbas seems to be the kind of a man who gets things done.  We can count on Barabbas to go out there and fight for us.  They say that he was a bandit, but what was Jesus?  All talk.  When push came to shove, did he have a mighty army tucked away so that he could stand up to the Romand and so that we could take our country back?

Some people were saying that Jesus was the Messiah, but I didn't believe it for a minute.  Even when he was popular, I didn't really believe he was the Messiah.  Oh, he had me going there for a minute, but I got over it.  After all, the Messiah is going to be a military leader, and he is going to be our king.  Some king Jesus turned out to be.  But Barabbas -- I could see him as a king someday.  He's a man of action.  He's the kind of man you can follow.

Jesus was a troublemaker, that's what he was.  He set impossible standards for people to follow him!  "Sell everything you have, leave you family, and follow me."  That's what he said.  The funny thing is, I almost did it.  I almost walked away from my whole family, and my business.  To follow Jesus!  To eat and drink with sinners, never to know where I was staying night after night!  My family has a prosperous business!  I don't know what possessed me, but then I thought better about it and I stayed home.  I didn't follow Jesus.  And now.... now it's clear that I made the right decision.

I know what is important.  Financial security, that's one.  And strength, that's another one.  I stayed home and I'm taking care of the family business.  And I'm doing very well, thank you.  Sometimes I worry, just like everyone else, about whether there is more to life than money.  And sometimes I worry about keeping what I have.  That's where security comes in.  that's where someone like Barabbas comes in.  Mybe someone like him can help us get our country back, and have more security.  Then I don't have to worry so much about the corrupt tax collectors coming and skimming off the top of my wealth.

I'm glad I didn't follow Jesus.  I'm sure I made the right decision.

Didn't I?